Kids endearing, yeah right!
by mystik-dragon88
Summary: No, put that away! Mello was going to kill him. No, not just kill him, but torture him first, drawing it out as much as possible. A response to challenge set by maelgwynvioletstar. Matt centred, oneshot. R


Hey

**A/N:** Like I said in the summary this was written because of a challenge my friend maelgwyon-violetstar set me. She thought I owed her one cause of the one I made her write. But oh well, all's fair in love and war. It had to mention an apple, a pinata, and any sort of pain. You can decide who gets the worst of it in the end.

This was written for fun, so sorry if there slightly OOC (though with Matt that should be impossible). Read and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own any of this cept the plot, cause if I did certain people wouldn't of died.

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"No, put that away!" Mello was going to kill him. No, not just kill him, but torture him first, drawing it out as much as possible. How did he always manage to get himself into these messes? Well, admittedly it was usually Mello's influence that got him into bizarre and often downright dangerous situations. But this was worse then anything Mello had gotten him into.

Yep, that's right. He was stuck baby-sitting a dozen six year olds because one was celebrating his seventh birthday. Not much cause for a celebration though in his opinion. _You can't drink, you can't smoke and you don't even know what the hell sex is. Pretty crappy __existence__, but I guess you can still play games all day and no one would yell at you to get up off your lazy ass and do some freaking work already. _So yes, right now there were twelve screaming, out of control monsters causing havoc in his apartment.

It all begun with a perfectly cliché sunny morning. Personally Matt preferred clouds or rainy days, that way he had the perfect excuse to stay inside all day and finish his latest game. But not today, today was one of these days that those ever cheerful people woke up to with a bounce in their step and forced other people to listen about what a wonderful day it was because the sun was out, birds were chirping, and there was not a cloud in sight, or some load of crap like that. He wondered if they would still be so cheerful if he shot out both their eyes, and pushed them off a cliff into a patch of poison ivy. Probably.

Matt staggered out of bed at around eleven wearing yesterdays clothes, and headed off into the toilet. Emerging again after a few minutes he finally registered the silence. After a quick search of his apartment he came to the conclusion that Mello must of been checking up with his sources or visiting Hal or something like that. _Probably obsessing about getting ahead of Near as usual._ He didn't understand why Mello was so driven to beat Near, life was better if you didn't obsess about such pointless things, unless it was something like beating that freak nerd that won their latest online gaming duel. Oh well, Mello was Mello, and without him Matt would probably be living an even sorrier existence than he was now.

He was in the middle of scrounging through his kitchen in search of something to eat when there was a pounding at his door. Cigarette clamped loosely between his lips he curiously -he never really got many visitors, especially during the day- walked over and opened the door. Outside was one of his neighbours. When Matt had decided to pick a new apartment, he had opted for one with a bathtub in it, but this also meant the building was full of families who obviously had wanted the same thing for their young children. Or maybe it was because the buildings location wasn't in a neighbourhood run by druglords and gangs, and the prices were still cheap.

So far he had been lucky that the neighbours hadn't really bothered him in his home before. However they had taken a liking to chatting to him whenever they saw him in the halls, usually on his way to buy some cigarettes, or chocolate for Mello He didn't understand why all the neighbours loved him, he didn't even remember their names. But maybe family people were nicer by nature, he wouldn't know.

Looking down at the woman through his goggles, he recognised her as the one who lived three doors down with her overweight, boring husband, and their devil spawn child.

"Oh thankgod your here Matt!" She grabbed his arm and began to drag him down the hall. "I just received a call that my idiot husband broke his finger. Honestly the man can be a complete klutz. I don't know how he always manages to do this." Matt hoped she got to the point of her story soon as he tried to pry away her fingers from the firm grip on his arm. He was hungry and really wanted a shower. She pulled him to an abrupt stop just outside her front door, which was wide open. He had the perfect view into her apartment. His cigarette fell out of his mouth and lay forgotten on the floor as Matt stared in horror at the scene before him. Closing his gaping mouth as he snapped back to reality. He quickly put out the cigarette before the woman noticed he was soiling her carpet, and realised she was speaking again.

"As you can see right now I'm hosting my sons- you met him before?- seventh birthday party. But I can't just up and leave! And they seem to be having so much fun. Plus it would take me at least an hour to get them all home and myself organised to go! So could you please just watch them for an hour or so until I get back from the hospital?" A child's birthday party, god it looked more animals that had escaped the zoo. Shrieking wild children everywhere. _Oh fuck, _he though to himself as an apple flew past his face.

"I've got no idea about kids, couldn't you ask one of the other neighbours?" He pleaded, but it seemed she wasn't really paying attention to him.

"Thankyou so much! I _will_ repay you for this." Then before he knew it she was grabbing her purse, car keys and was disappearing down the hall.

Muttering about crazy trusting neighbours, he tentatively took a step forward. _Well, here goes nothing. _He looked up. There were kids running around everywhere, most of them wearing party hats. They must of already eaten the cake, because half of them had what he hoped was brown icing smeared across their faces. In the middle of what he assumed was the lounge room he could see the remainders of a red and blue piñata on the floor. There was one was climbing the pantry in an attempt to reach the chips that sat on the top shelf. Another was sitting in the corner sobbing her eyes out because a boy was poking her too hard. _Oh god,_ _what do I do? Shit, I don't know anything about kids. After all_ he never had a normal childhood growing up in the Wammy house. Shit, one of them had spotted him.

"Hey you! With the dumbass goggles on, who are you? Where's my mum? She promised us more lollies." The others all halted what they were doing and turned to face him. Amazing how they could all band together against a common enemy.

"Your mum had something to take care so right now I'm in charge." Matt attempted to enforce his authority but it seemed the kids just weren't interested.

"I don't have to listen to you. Where did you come from anyways?" The kid wiped at his nose but instead ended up smearing more chocolate across his face. How anyone found kids endearing was beyond him.

"I live at number 9." As soon as he said this the brat rushed past him into the hall.

"Hey what are you doing?!" He ran out after the boy, who's blue clad form was now disappearing into Matt's apartment.

"He probably has more lollies!" At this announcement the rest of the kids from the party followed after their leader. Matt tried to stop them, but he didn't really want to hurt them and it wasn't like he could just grab them and restraint them all. Plus as if the kids were going to listen to his yells of "No, stop!". He ran inside and saw all them determinedly going through every single one of his cupboards and drawers. Some were in the bedroom, one even one in the bathroom. Yep, Mello was going to kill him.

"I don't have any lollies in here!" He yelled out frustrated. Which was actually true. Chocolate was the only thing he had, because of Mello.

"Don't touch that, that's important stuff!" He yelled at one who was poking at the recording equipment from their former surveillance of Misa. "Put it down!"

Ten minutes later and Matt was ready to jump off the roof of this building. Even Mello wasn't this crazy or problematic. Whatever happened to his stress free existence! This is why he didn't attempt to make friends, it all blows up in your face! That's it, he didn't care if the next apartment was the shittiest thing he ever laid eyes on, he was making sure it would be somewhere no family or child would be willing go. He slid down the wall pulling at his hair. And then because Matt was obviously God's favourite person, he decided that at this exact moment to have Mello waltz through his front door.

"What the _fuck_?" Mello froze, hand stopping in its trip to his mouth, which was now hanging open. Matt jumped up to his feet.

"Matt, why the fucking _hell_ are there kids in here?!" As soon as this came out of his mouth, he saw some kid walking towards them wearing Mello's favourite leather vest. Matt backed away slowly as Mello's eyes widen in horror.

"Aaah, well see there was this emergency and I had to look after these kids cause their mum's out checking on their dad who got injured and is now in hospital and it was was really quite sudden but she said she'd repay us and she couldn't just stop the party now could she..." he slowly trailed off as Mello's eyes slowly narrowed down to a dangerous size. He was clenching and unclenching his fists and Matt had no doubt that he was just itching to get out his gun.

"It's not that bad." Matt attempted a laugh that came out slightly a bit too hysterical. Then he saw it. Oh fucking god, he had just sealed his death. A small blonde girl walked past him eating a very familiar expensive brand of chocolate. Followed by another child, a boy this time. And another. Matt turned around and ran out the front door. He knew Mello wasn't evil enough to hurt any of the kids, but if he stayed any longer he wasn't sure if Mello would be able to resist emptying his gun into Matt's body.

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Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review. :)


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